Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We are all done wearing pants today
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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