With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
