I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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