Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
