im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
