how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize