weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
