I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
