did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
