Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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