I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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