I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
