I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
