finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He passed out mid-signature
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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