No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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