i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
