You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
