but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
