If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
