I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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