Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
