Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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