I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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