I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
