I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
