i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
this hospital has no fireball
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
