woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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