I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
