I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
