woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
