I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize