The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
