Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
