my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
