Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
