I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
