Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
