So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
