I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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