How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
