A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
