Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
