he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
