So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize