I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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