summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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