i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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