Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
