I wish you could order shots online.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
