the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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