Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
