if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
