She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
