Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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