Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
