It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
