it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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