he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
