Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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