please come you make the beer taste better
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
