everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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