my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
