CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Four minutes until I can fart!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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