I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
