"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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