when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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