After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
