I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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