You're my little dorito
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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