She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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