I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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