hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
