I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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