My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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