Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
