I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
