Plan B is the new Plan A
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
