Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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