it was like his penis was on wheels.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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