from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
