jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
