When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
