i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
