Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
