Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize