My room smells like vodka and shame
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
