Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
