Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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