we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've blown a few things in my day
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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