I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
