Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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