i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
