im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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