Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
