She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
