I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
