apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
