I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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