I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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