Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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