I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize