Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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