I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've blown a few things in my day
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
