dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
