My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
