Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
where does the pee come out of this thing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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