you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
