We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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