This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
