I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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