i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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